Advisory: Read only if you are 18 years of age and above, and are comfortable reading about sex. This article contains opinions which are not necessarily the opinions of the Editor.
When you mention the word ‘addict’, readers’ brows will be raised as the word has negative connotations and conjures images of out-of-control behavior. So often, we hear and read about drug addiction, alcohol addiction, cough syrup addiction and not too long ago, sex addiction, which has become another entry into the pop-culture lexicon. The first Hollywood star to fall into this new category will be Michael Douglas when his sex addiction became known to the public after his beautiful wife Catherine Zeta-Jones threatened to leave if he didn’t check into rehab clinic. The media, I mean the tabloid, had a field day spinning sensational gossips about his addiction and sold a staggering number of his stories subsequently. Then not so long ago, David Duchovny, TV actor of X Files, became another famous victim to check into rehab. It is no longer an X file sitting in the hidden cabinet of FBI, but an open topic of discussion in talk- show circuits like Saturday Night Life.
As a single gay man in his mid-40s, living in homophobic Singapore, I count myself lucky to have an active sex life with multi-partners. And I am not the only one. My good friend and sometimes worse enemy, let’s call him B, is in the same boat although he is in a 19 year open relationship with his partner. We often talk about our sexual encounters, our experience and our observations of guys in the gay sauna. Although B travels a lot, we are often in contact via Whatsapp. We troll the gay online social networks like Grindr, Jack’D and Planet Romeo for that wonderful, unique sexual experience. Basically, we talk and breathe sex; we spend more than an average of our non-sleeping time indulging in our hobby: Sex.
Now that you have an idea of our sex lives, you’re very inclined to judge that we are both Sex Addicts. Yuks!
However, I will defend till my last breath that we aren’t. We both simply have high sex drives and are not ashamed of it; why should we be? After all, many of our peers have either lost their sexual mojo or have little opportunities due to the fact they no longer feel themselves desirable or they have lost that nice bod they once had.
B and I work out regularly to build and maintain that toned bodies that gay men love. If you are a regular sauna patron, you will understand that a nice body is a sexual currency, especially in the gay world. Gay men live by their primal instincts and respond to external stimuli. The Harvard University psychologist, Nancy Etcoff wrote the best seller, “Survival of the Prettiest” and sold millions of copies. Shortly after her success, she was hired as consultant by global conglomerate Unilever to create a marketing campaign for the brand DOVE. Another well-known anthropologist, zoo curator, Desmond Morris wrote the book “The Naked Man” which studies the male body and became another best seller in over 36 countries. Our desire for and curiosity about beauty is never ending and is never satisfied.
So back to the question, “Are B and I sex addicts?” As much as both of us talk and breathe about sex, we never let it run out of control. We both do pretty okay in our careers and never let our cravings for sex disrupt our time with family and friends. In short, we are just like you except that we bother to make more time for sexual experiences. We value sex more than shopping in Orchard Road or checking others’ designer stuff. My friend B even volunteers his time for a gay organization which helps other gay members.
Are we sex addicts? No, we are not. Do we like sex more often than the average Joe? Yes, we definitely do. Are we sluts? Well…that depends who you are asking.
P.S. This article was written with Hanx Writer*, a new iPad app produced by the famous Hollywood actor, Tom Hanks. *Hanx Writer is a free app that emulates the look and feel of typing on a manual typewriter http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/business/smart-shopper/2014-09-04/shopgirl-hanx-writer-now-most-popular-ipad-app